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I was talking to a friend yesterday and she asked me how I was. “You seem really calm and relaxed and on top of things”, she said! She’s a good friend, so she knows a fair bit about how I’ve been feeling with all this postnatal illness malarkey. And I realised once again that there can be this huge gulf between what something looks like on the surface … and what’s actually going on underneath! How many mums out there are putting on a brave face along with their lipstick and pretending that everything’s fine, when actually it isn’t? Alternatively, how many mums have developed a coping strategy that involves switching off a certain part of their brain (and identity?) until the time comes when they can start to live their own lives again? Because a big part of motherhood, it seems to me, is about giving yourself up to these little people you’ve spawned! There’s a great quote by the American feminist thinker and writer, Elizabeth Stone:
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”
I wish I’d read that before I’d had children, it might have given me a bit more insight into what it’d really be like. Because that sums it up for me. There’s nothing I can ever do now without factoring my children into the equation. They matter more than me, and that’s the top and bottom of it. Yet coming to terms with that, after all those years of freedom and fun, has been a struggle to put it mildly. Throw hormones and chemical imbalances into the mix and … aaaaagh!
I guess what I’m really saying is that it’s important for all of us to go beyond face value and tune into what might be going on under the surface. So many people these day seem to put on a front … and no-one knows that anything’s wrong until they have a major meltdown. I wonder why it still seems to be so difficult to admit weakness and show vulnerability? The first time I admitted to postnatal illness, I was terrified. But you wouldn’t believe how it’s opened the floodgates. It’s as if, once one person stops pretending, it becomes easier for other people to do the same. And, when you see each other clearly, that’s when you can really begin to connect, communicate and experience compassion. I hope that people feel they can be honest on Mummo.
Yet, there is definitely a place for pretence. I’d be one of the first to say “act as if”. If you don’t feel confident, don’t worry, just “act as if” you did! If you don’t feel happy, don’t despair, just “act as if” you did! And I genuinely believe that behaving in a certain way can change how you feel. You know those days when you feel rubbish and don’t want to go out or see anyone, at all, ever again, but you’ve got a commitment so you do … and then you end up having a really good time and coming home feeling a whole lot better. It’s that principle. And it works. Within reason.
So that’s it. End of sermon. Sorry for getting so heavy so early in the week. More ‘froth’ next time, I promise. For now, I’m off to do my lippie!
Yes, colder than I’ve been for about 10 years … and then I was 4,000 metres above sea level in the Peruvian Andes! Still, we were in a caravan this time, with just one tiny little gas fire to fend off the bitter coastal winds. I had forgotten what it’s like to be chilled to the bone to the point that, even with all your clothes on, you still can’t sleep! But hey, what are holidays for if it’s not to brave the elements and come out smiling the other side?! The difference is that, these days, instead of feeling really smug for surviving Dead Woman’s Pass on the Inca trail, I feel smug for managing an 8-mile round trip from Caister into Great Yarmouth and back, on a bike! With a two year old pinching my bottom!
Anyway, that’s where I was last week, on our lovely £9.50 Sun readers’ holiday. Another thing I never thought I’d ever do! Can’t really blame that one entirely on the children, though - it’s more to do with the fact that I’m spending all our money on Mummo and we’re skint. Scarily skint. I am starting to appreciate a bit more about the realities of ‘doing your own thing’. The website is taking far longer than anticipated to build so it’s now been longer than I care to mention with lots going out and nothing coming in. And it’ll be a few more months yet. I will just have to hold my nerve and hope that it’s all worth it in the end. Otherwise it will have been a very expensive learning experience!
Having said all that, I’m quite excited at the moment as I’ve teamed up with a great guy who’s helping me to work out an advertising and marketing strategy for Mummo … and who might even take the lead on Daddo at some point in the future. His confidence in me, and in the potential of Mummo, has really given me a boost. It’s also reminded me that so much in life is about just having the guts to go for what you want! So excuse me but I’m just going to go for … a(nother) chocolate biscuit!
I so live a life of luxury these days. Do you know where I’ve taken to having my lunch? You’ll never guess. The Morrisons’ cafe, of all places! Okay, so it might not be the most salubrious of surroundings, but I have to say they make probably the freshest supermarket sandwiches I’ve had for a long time … and serve them nicely cut into triangles with a salad garnish and a handful of crisps! All wrapped up in plastic of course, which isn’t so great for the environment, but other than that I’m loving it. A nice cup of tea and a Terry’s chocolate orange cookie, and that’s me set up for the rest of the day! Just as well, really, as I seem to have zero interest in cooking and go into a blind panic at the prospect of having to feed anybody anything more complicated than a salmon fillet. In fact, I have well and truly clicked back into work mode, and the years of rustling up three meals a day have (thankfully) faded into oblivion. I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I am not, and never will be, a domestic goddess!
In all seriousness, I think that’s been part of the struggle I’ve had in coming to terms with motherhood, this enormous gulf between what I thought I should be and what I actually naturally am! So my vision of being a yummy mummy who’d grow fresh herbs, bake healthy cakes and have a never ending enthusiasm for creative craft activities is at odds with my desire to run a mile from anything even vaguely mundane. I know children benefit from a consistent routine, but I just can’t seem to do it. I know life would be less stressful if I was a bit better organised, but chaos is my comfort zone! I think I’m just destined to be a scrummo mummo … living somewhere between scrum and scrumptious depending on the day. Mind you, can’t remember the last time I felt truly scrumptious!
A really quick one as I am just about to rush off to my SEED meeting! It’s only the second one, so I haven’t got a clue how it’s all going to work out, but the idea behind it is great. It’s a peer coaching circle for women entrepreneurs, and is part of the SEED network, which was set up by Lynne Franks, PR guru and jungle celebrity! I’ve just noticed on the website, as well, that there’s now a SEED branded ‘Women into Enterprise’ programme which looks excellent. I’m emailed off to find out more because, of course, I’ve got loads of spare time for studying!
I say this having done next to no work at all today. And I am SWAMPED! Came into the office this morning and thought I’d clear the decks of all those irritating little jobs that I’ve been meaning to do for ages, so that I could concentrate on the really important tasks afterwards. A good plan, I thought. Only I spent the next six hours on the ‘phone to various telecomms providers, banks and so on, trying (unsuccessfully) to sort out things that they’ve done wrong! I have come to the conclusion that there are very few big companies who actually offer any kind of meaningful customer service … and that, if they did, it would be one surefire way to wipe out the competition. Twenty minutes with my mobile burning my ear to speak to three different people in three different countries, to get precisely nowhere and then be told to write a letter - it’s just as well I’m a laidback kind of a person! Hmmm!
Anyway, must go now as otherwise I’ll be late for my meeting and that would really finish the day off nicely! I’m looking forward to a large glass of wine and a good bit of female support and encouragement. I think tonight we are going to focus on our current business challenges, which means it’ll probably be a challenge finishing by 9.30pm! But I’m looking forward to hearing other people’s perspectives on my problems and learning from how they approach things. After all, there’s always room for growth, and that’s just how it should be. Keeps life interesting!
What can I say, I just hope that the moral of the hare and the tortoise turns out to be true for Mummo. Whilst some websites seem to be put together and launched really quickly, this particular website is taking its time! I was hoping it would be 9 months from conception to ‘birth’, but we’re overdue now. If we’re not careful, we’ll be looking at an elephant’s gestation period … and that’s a scary 22 months! And I don’t want to give birth to an elephant, especially not a white one!
So here I am on a Saturday evening, Mummo No Mates, sat in the office on my own with a list of jobs as long as my arm … and then an Asda shop to do on the way home! And guess what, one of the jobs on my list is to write an article about ‘how to have fun’. Not sure I’m properly qualified for that one! If anyone’s got any tips (other than “stop working”) please let me know.
Which reminds me, when I did the One Life show, I asked people for their own personal tips on how to be happier. You won’t be surprised to hear that sleep, alcohol and chocolate all featured quite prominently, along with ‘me time’ and ‘letting go of the guilt’. For obvious reasons, I didn’t get many men answering the question, but it’d be interesting to know what they (you?) might have said!
Anyway, better crack on now. Hope your Saturday night is more exciting than mine!
Yes, I have to admit that I’m wobbling a bit at the minute. Having spent most of the afternoon in the office, and most of the evening in front of my laptop, I am seriously questioning my mental health! What on earth possessed me to think it was a good idea to start a new business, on this scale at least, whilst my children are still so small?! I came home to find them outside, playing on bikes and trikes in the early evening sunshine, chatting and giggling and looking as if they hadn’t a care in the world. They ran straight over to me … and my littlest gave me a giant hug and said “Mummy, I want you!”. Talk about tugging at the heart strings! And yet, the truth of the matter is that I’m so preoccupied at the moment that I’m not even giving them my full attention when I am with them. I find it really hard to just click out of work mode and into mummy mode … and I sometimes wish I didn’t have to.
And then, of course, there’s the scary fact that we are haemorrhaging money in every direction, with no real prospect of any coming in to Mummo for quite a while. I always knew it was going to be a big, long-term project and that I was going to have to hold my nerve, but some days that’s harder than others. And the hardest days are always the ones, like today, when you have to pay a whole load of bills! So I will have to get round to listening to my Paul McKenna CD. I’ve just finished reading his book ‘I can make you rich‘ which, I have to say, takes a much broader view of what rich means than I was expecting. And it was actually really useful. He talks about “thinking rich” and how, if you do that, you no longer fear being without money because you know you will always find ways to make more. I have my moments of thinking like that (if I didn’t, I definitely wouldn’t be doing this!) but it’s obviously something I still need to work on.
Anyway, enough of the negativity. As the old advertisement used to go, “weebles wobble but they don’t fall down”!
Yes, I’m back … and it’s taken me till now to recover! My weekend at One Life was ‘full on’ to put it mildly - 21 hours on my feet saying the same thing over and over again, not to mention the setting up and packing away and so on. I’m just glad I saw sense and booked a nearby hotel, rather than having to trek back home every night as well! And it was a real family affair. My sister came all the way down from up north to help out on Friday and Saturday and my mum, bless her, spent her Mother’s Day standing on my stand! Hey, it was hard work but really good fun. I met some great people, had some lovely conversations and, best of all, got some really positive feedback about Mummo. After a few recent ‘wobbles’, I came away from One Life with renewed confidence in what I’m doing. I got a glimpse of success, just enough to fire me up again and give me a new burst of energy …
So I’ve been back in the office beavering away, trying to capitalise on the contacts I made as well as test the first part of the website. And, of course, I don’t have the luxury of admin support these days … so there’s no-one else to enter email addresses into the computer but me! I’m suddenly scarily busy, and the children are already reacting to the fact that they don’t see mummy as much as they used to. It’s definitely a mum thing - I’m racked with guilt for working 3 days a week plus a very occasional evening or weekend, whilst daddy disappears 5 days out of 7 and never questions it! But don’t let me get on that soap box right now, I’ve got too much to do to start ranting!
Yes, I’ve got a cuppa waiting and a book by the bed, and I really want to calm down and listen to my ‘Just ten minutes‘ CD before I fall asleep. But I must just tell you about horsesmouth, who I met at One Life. I’m sure you’ve probably heard about it already as they’ve had a fair amount of press coverage, but it’s a really interesting idea … and a great way to give something back without having to step out of your comfort zone. I think people often find it easier to open up to an online stranger than to a real friend face-to-face. As long as we don’t end up living our entire lives in a virtual world!
Yep, it’s been amazing. I’ve spent just about the whole of it on my own, in the office, staring at a computer screen! And now, at three o’clock on Sunday afternoon, I’m suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Where is the rest of the world, not to mention my own children?! I’m missing them. I feel as if I’ve disappeared into some kind of strange, silent ‘twilight zone’ - can’t even work out how to get the radio on for company! It reminds me of when I was little. Occasionally we’d find ourselves the only car on a country road, or something like that, and I’d feel like we could be the very last people left on the planet. Perhaps that’s it … perhaps I’m the only person left?! Or just the only person mad enough to be working on a weekend!
Anyway, part of the reason why I’m in here now is because I was at the Prowess conference during the week. I have to say, it was great! And not just because I actually got two whole nights of undisturbed sleep, which was heaven in itself! The whole thing was very well organised, full of interesting people doing interesting work. There were some really inspirational speakers and I was fired up in particular by:
There was also a great presentation on marketing to women, which made the point that it’s not enough to just ‘think pink’! Slightly worrying when my stand at the conference had pink mats, pink tulips, a liberal scattering of pink business cards and a bowl of pinky-red cherries! I’d like to believe that, behind all that, I’d instinctively and unconsciously understood the way to a woman’s heart, but who really knows? I did get some positive feedback though, and the cherries went down well! Let’s see what happens at One Life next weekend.
Things are hotting up …
Got my official joining instructions for the Prowess conference this morning, including an invite to a champagne reception. All sounds very glam … but of course sent me into a blind panic over what to wear! It could have been fine if I’d just placed that big Next Directory order the other night … but, after an hour of filling my online basket, I suddenly remembered that I’m supposed to be anti-consumerism and cancelled the whole thing! Talk about a moment of madness … especially as I’m having one of my fat phases and can’t fit into most of my wardrobe. Hey ho, there are more important things than what you look like. Or so some people say (generally the ones who aren’t looking great!).
Anyway, on a more businesslike note, I’ve been really busy getting the various bits and pieces sorted out for Prowess and then One Life a few days later. I now know why I never went into event organising. I keep waking up in a cold sweat, remembering things that I’d completely forgotten … or not even considered at all! Who’d have thought that there was so much involved in just having a simple stand? And who’d have expected it to cost so much?! I’m referring here to One Life, where every single light bulb and electric socket costs extra. And I don’t think it’s for environmental reasons!
Got to get home now as I’m seeing precious little of my little ones as it is, and am going to be away for a couple of nights at the conference next week. All I can say is, I hope they grow up seeing me as a positive role model of a mum, rather than just being miffed that I wasn’t always there! Time will tell …
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