I’ve been tagged …

Yes, it’s true, I’ve been tagged, by my new friend Experimental Mum.  Having never been tagged before, I have to admit I’m not quite sure what it means or what I’m supposed to do now.  But apparently these are the rules:

1. Mention the person who tagged you
2. Complete the list of 8s
3. Tag 8 other bloggers and let them know

So here goes … and thanks again to Experimental Mum for this chance to share what will probably be far too much information!

8 things I’m looking forward to

• going to bed tonight, because I’m knackered – it was family camping night at school on Saturday, need I say more?!
• a quick trip to Worthing next weekend, on my own, for a long walk by the sea – bliss!
• my friend’s wedding in July, to be held at the super-stylish Midland Hotel in Morecambe
• camping in Croyde … please let it be sunshine this year!
• another Rocky Road cookie (somehow they always taste better when they’ve been reduced to 29p for 4!)
• my morning cuddles with the girls
• possibly (please please please!) buying a folding camper, so that we can get a little bit closer to ‘glamping’, or at the very least camping in comfort
• getting to read a really good novel from start to finish in one day, in peace, accompanied by delicious snacks courtesy of Graze (hint hint!)

8 things I did yesterday

• helped to take down the tent
• managed to tear two tired children away from all their friends without tears and tantrums (you know they’re tired when they haven’t even got the energy for that!)
• put on and hung out at least three washes … from one night’s camping!
• organised an impromptu lunch party at ours
• did a speed shop for above party
• ate soya ice-cream for the first time (Swedish Glace vanilla, it was delicious)
• phoned my dad but got the answer machine
• used my new EmWave heart coherence machine – an expensive bit of kit so I’ve got to make it pay!

8 shows I watch

This is a tricky one, seeing as I hardly ever watch TV these days.  But I’ve been tagged so I’d better come up with my 8!

• Grand Designs
• Build a New Life in the Country
• Relocation, Relocation
• Waterloo Road
• Strictly Come Dancing
• Britain’s Next Top Model (I know, I’m sorry!)
• Spooks – I know it’s finished but I can’t help hankering for Rupert Penry-Jones
• Hotel Babylon – having no social life to speak of these days, I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to discover that this is now on a Friday night instead of mid-week!  Almost as thrilled as I was to discover that it’s now starring the gorgeous Nigel Harman!

8 things I wish I could do

• dance like the best female professionals on Strictly – not easy when you’re over 6′ tall!
• wear gorgeous glamorous outfits a la Tess Daly on SCD, and go somewhere that warrants them – the Orient Express, perhaps?!
• prior to the above, get a top-to-toe makeover (any sponsors out there?!)
• resist chocolate (there’s got to be a first time!)
• spend all my time coming up with ideas for other people … in return for shedloads of cash, of course
• study for a MSc in Applied Positive Psychology
• keep my house tidy
• afford to hire a personal chef and housekeeper

plus travel to all the places on my list below.

8 favourite fruits

• nectarines
• cherries
• raspberries
• strawberries
• blueberries
• mango
• grapes
• pineapple

8 places I would like to travel to

• Costa Rica again, it’s amazing
• Patagonia in Chile
• the islands of the South Pacific – Tahiti, Bora Bora, Moorea, white sand, turquoise sea, rooms on stilts over the reef, you know the kind of thing!
• New England in the fall
• the West and South Coasts of Australia
• the Isle of Skye
• Africa – there’s so much of it I’d love to see, but especially Cape Town and the Garden Route in South Africa, and of course a luxury safari in Kenya or Tanzania would be nice!
• the Himalayas

8 places I lived

• Reigate
• Gloucester
• Norwich
• High Barnet
• Manchester (various locations)
• the South of France
• Blackpool (hmmm, the less said about that, the better!)
• Teddington

…  and I could keep going!  Possibly not the most exotic locations, but I definitely feel as if I’ve been around a bit!  Well, you know what I mean.

8 people tagged (sorry if you’ve already done it!)

A Confused Take That Fan

Forty Not Out

Maternal Tales from the South Coast

Moaning Mum

Four Down, Mum to Go

Are We Nearly There Yet Mummy?

More Than Just A Mother

Secret Diaries of a Wannabe Yummy Mammy

Mummy bloggers don’t want to work for free!

Life's a beach ...

Seems there’s a bit of an uprising amongst some mum (and mom) bloggers who are fed up of being asked to work for free! But who would ask them to do such a thing?  Well, apparently, there are a few PRs out there who would!

Just read this post by British mummy blogger ‘A Modern Mother‘, which refers to another post by American ‘GeekMommy‘.  Fascinating stuff, expressed powerfully yet remarkably politely, I thought.  And I’m so behind any mum who will stand up and say that we’re not “just” mums, treat us with some respect and value what we do!

Having said that, I feel strangely removed from it all, not yet having a big enough audience to warrant much more than a few free Dettol “goodies”!  You can imagine the hilarity in the office when I opened up an exciting-looking package to find a pair of Cath Kidston rubber gloves, some dusters, some wipes and a bottle of “kills all known germs” spray!  Of course, as a mum (if not a domestic goddess) they have actually come in very handy, so thanks Dettol.  To be fair, I have also been given a copy of the Mr Site software, which I used to create my site www.mummomag.co.uk.  I managed to get that done within a couple of hours … and I barely even read the instructions!  So I’ll probably be using Mr Site again.  I was also given a Jabra Jawbone bluetooth headset as a prize for a free prize draw, which went down well.  But in general, I’m not finding people queueing at my door with giveaways.  Or at least not yet!

Despite the fact that it’s not happening right now, I have asked myself how I’d handle it.  I mean, freebies are fab, as long as they really are free, no strings attached.  I don’t want to write about Dettol, not even in return for rubber gloves!  And I definitely don’t want to spend time that I haven’t got co-ordinating competitions … or at least not unless the prizes are so amazing that Mummo mums will all be giving me their right arm for them (see list below)!  Perhaps I’m ungrateful, perhaps I’m just a control freak, but I really really want to pick and choose.  I’ll talk about something if I think it’s great, but I’d rather not if it’s not, or if it’s just not interesting enough.  I guess what I’d like, in an ideal world, would be for PRs to send me samples or give me free trials and then let me decide whether or not to write about their products / services.  No expectations, no pressure.  That way, it’s genuine.  And because I don’t like upsetting people, I’d probably choose not to mention something rather than write something bad about it. So PRs could assume that, for the cost of the freebie, they might or might not get a review but, if they did, it would more than likely be a positive one.

Whilst we’re on the subject, I notice that mummy bloggers seem to be targeted primarily for things to do with ‘mothering’.  Yet we must surely be good targets for all kinds of other things:

• upmarket chocolates (sod that, any chocolates!) … to comfort us after bad days and reward us after good ones (add to that ice cream, biscuits, anything wicked and delicious)
• coffee … to keep us going through afore-mentioned good and bad days
• fine wine … to help us forget the bad days
• expensive laptops, iPhones and other technical paraphernalia … to make it easier for us to carry on blogging
• slimming aids … to get rid of mummy muffin top
• wrinkle cream (reasons all too obvious!)
• full makeovers (ditto)
• gorgeous stylish sexy clothes … to show that we can actually be gorgeous, stylish and sexy (post-makeover, at least)
• cars, especially sporty little numbers that don’t have room for car seats … to escape in
• exotic holidays with our other halves … to get our mojo back
• restful retreats by ourselves … to save our sanity!

Mums, please feel free to add to the list with any products or services that you’d be happy to test.  And PRs, please take note.  Just because we are mothers doesn’t mean that we don’t still have lives of our own; interests other than our kids; successful careers / businesses … and even personalities!

Oh, and we write particularly well when sitting on tropical beaches.  Or when slightly sozzled.  Or both.

The recession – what’s changed for you?

I came across this article by chance – whilst trawling round the web looking for something completely different – and thought it was an interesting read.   Especially point 35: “Give yourself a treat. Some 12 per cent of consumers admit to tightening their belts only to reward themselves for their frugality.  Such ‘treaters’ explain why foods such as chocolate do well in tough times; sales of Dairy Milk jumped 11 per cent last year.”

Reading this, I realised that I use ‘treating’ as a way of motivating myself, and I do it far too often:

• eat a healthy main course, reward myself with Dairy Milk for dessert
• go for a nice long walk … reward myself with Dairy Milk in the park
• get loads of work done … reward myself with Dairy Milk on the way home
• manage to get through a morning without shouting at the children … reward myself with Dairy Milk stuffed in sneakily behind the fridge door whilst pretending to get the broccoli out!

In fact, I don’t think Dairy Milk is in any danger at all from the recession as I could single-handedly keep Cadbury’s in business … and probably have done for years!  But I don’t think I’m buying any more chocolate now than I ever have done (well, not since I had kids anyway), and I’m definitely not buying more custard or Custard Creams.  Or pigs’ trotters, for that matter!  Or Saint Tropez self tan, although that’s something I could seriously do with.

When I think about how the recession has affected my family so far, I feel very lucky that my partner has still got a job despite redundancies in his company.  Financially, I think we might even be better off because our mortgage payments have gone down.  But what’s changed for us, I think, are these things:

• Our sense of security and, perhaps, complacency has been replaced by a niggling sense of insecurity – the possibility that things could go badly wrong and it could happen to us.
• We’ve started delaying big decisions, unsure as to what the next few months or years may hold.  An extension on the house?  Perhaps not.  A new car.  Not right now.  Suddenly, we feel a bit as if we’re living in limbo land, waiting to see how things pan out.
• I’m trying to be slightly more of a domestic goddess …  spectacularly unsuccessfully, it has to be said.  The vast majority of my home-cooked meals get a resounding “yuk” response from the children (the ungrateful little madams!).  And I haven’t even started with the pigs’ trotters yet!
• I’m trying not to spend as much money on frivolous things like coffees in Starbucks or glossy magazines that just make me want to go crazy with a credit card.  And if I want a book, instead of heading straight for Amazon, I’m now searching my local library catalogue and/or charity shops first.  Big pat on the back for that one.
• My other half is trying to grow us some vegetables, but is currently being beaten by some pesky and extremely persistent snails!  I think this could end up being a false economy – a lot of money spent on seeds and plants and gardening equipment, a lot of big fat contented slimy things and just a few holey leaves left for us.
• Most of all, I’m trying to be grateful for what I’ve got rather than hankering after what I haven’t.  This is the biggest challenge of all for me, but I’ve learnt so much about how an “attitude of gratitude” can help to make you happier, I think I have a moral duty to try it, especially now.

Anyway, I’d love to know what’s changed for you, if anything, during this “recession”.  In particular, I’d love to know … who is buying all the mushy peas?!

The squidgy arm saga …

I don’t know if you ever get this, but my daughters are very fond of pulling my top up and exposing my midriff to the world.  As you can imagine, it’s about the worst thing that anyone could do to me these days!  But, of course, not wanting them to get hang-ups about weight and end up with anorexia (etc, etc), I try desperately not to over-react or show them that I have any problem whatsoever with my midriff.  So, in private, I let them pinch it and roll it and “squelch” it (their word, not mine) and pretend that it’s absolutely fine to have a tummy without any muscle in it.  In fact, when they ask me why I’ve got a “squidgy” stomach, I just say – as proudly as I can manage – “Well, that’s because I had you two gorgeous babies in there”.  Which was, I thought, quite a good excuse (not wanting to say too much about the late night chocolate!) …

And then, the other day, when the weather was unusually hot and I finally dared to bare my biceps (such as they are or, more to the point, not, as you’ll see), this is what happened:

“Mummy, you’ve got squidgy arms. You’ve got squidgy arms”  – gleeful chanting, accompanied by plenty of poking, prodding and squidging.  Hilarity on her part, teeth-clenching on mine.

“Yes, mummy, why are your arms all squidgy?  You didn’t have a baby in your arms!”

That’s me told.  Anyone got a good excuse for that one?

The age of innocence, long may it last …

sweets for my sweets ...

bunny for my honeys!

I should probably have been cross.  Instead, I couldn’t stop laughing.  Unfortunately, when my children asked me why I was bent over double wiping tears from my eyes, I couldn’t explain.  You see, we were in a party shop.  We’d been to get some sweeties in the traditional sweetie shop next door as a very special treat.  At this point, I must say a public “thank you” to the kind lady shop owner who carefully weighed out 33.3g of 3 different kinds of sweets to make up our 100g and then let me have them for 94p instead of 98p because that was all the money left in my purse!  Not to mention the fact that, without being asked, she also gave me two extra paper bags so that I could split the sweeties up and give each girl her very own ’stash’.  Thank you – we shall be back!

Anyway, by the time we’d done all this it was throwing it down with rain so rather than get drenched going back to the car, we thought we’d pop into the party shop next door.  I was just browsing the birthday cards when I heard the girls giggling and the obligatory “Mummy, I want one of these!”  In stereo, of course!  When I turned round, it took me a moment before I realised what they were looking at.  Seems they were in the hen party section.  Need I say more?!  The bright pink bunny hairbands they were coveting had ‘mini penis’ ears.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, eldest daughter then spotted a fantastic pink whistle.  Well, guess what shape it was?!  Thankfully it was boxed so she couldn’t actually put it in her mouth, that would just have been a step too far.

As I say, I should probably have been cross.  I mean, what responsible shop owner puts things like that at child’s eye level right inside the door of an innocent-looking party shop?  My message to him (and it was a him, obviously!) is simply this … We shan’t be back!

Meanwhile, I am mopping my brow and thanking the heavens that 5 year olds and 3 year olds don’t need to know why you’re laughing but will just join in!  Any excuse for a chuckle …

And long live that exuberance and innocence.

Shush … pleeeease!

Man walking down the street, quietly minding his own business.  Observant five year old girl, at the top of her high-pitched little voice:

• “Mummy, look, that man’s got a hairy nob … ble on his nose.”

Mummy splutters and nearly chokes, then carefully ignores the remark, hoping that that will be the end of it.  Should have known better.

• “No, mummy, look, he’s got LOTS of hairy nobbles!”

That strategy didn’t work then!  Under my breath, “Yes, I can see.  Now shush, darling, for goodness sake …”

Darling daughter, thrilled to bits with her brilliance:

• “And he’s got grey hair and a snout.  In fact, mummy, he’s not a man, he’s actually a GRUFFALO!”

Why oh why oh why do children not come with a temporary ‘off’ switch or, at the very least, a volume control?!  Here’s hoping the poor gentleman concerned was deaf as well as knobbly!

Hormones … a recurring theme!

Wheeeeeeeeee ...

In case you haven’t realised by now, I’m one of those people whose lives resemble a rollercoaster ride, all ups and downs and loop-the-loops! I’m not quite sure how I feel about this – part of me would love to be calm, content and reliably stable (like my other half), but if I’m honest there’s another well-entrenched part of me that thinks it would be really quite dull! I thrive on the excitement and melodrama of the rollercoaster ride, the “oohs” and “aaahs”, the screams, the knuckle-biting, the flying-by-the-seat of your pants, heart-in-your-mouth, hands-over-your-eyes type of life!  Or at least, that’s what I used to believe.

The reality is that, whilst it might be what I’m familiar and comfortable with, it’s not doing me any good at all.  Not to mention the impact it has on my family and friends.  (Sorry!)  Having hit the big 40, it feels as if I’m now starting to pay the price for a life lived on adrenalin.  I can’t remember the last time I felt properly well.  Nothing major, just the kind of low-grade aches and niggles that somehow take the edge off things.  Which is why I’ve started looking into the impact of hormones on a woman’s health.

For years I have blamed my rollercoaster ride on PMS and, more recently, postnatal illness.  But I’ve just read a fascinating book that has prompted a bit of a re-think …

It’s called ‘Healing Our Hormones, Healing Our Lives‘, by Linda Crockett, who appears to have devoted her entire life to exploring the curious ways in which women can be screwed up by their hormones, and how we can be ‘cured’!  It’s a bit heavy and hard to read, but I think this is pretty much what it boils down to (my take, anyway):

• hormones affect pretty much everything for a woman, changing her reality from day to day (this is something that also comes across really strongly in another book I’ve read recently called ‘The Female Brain‘)
• hormonal conditions – like PMS, endometriosis, polycystic ovaries, etc – don’t just reflect physical problems but emotional ones too
• consequently you can’t treat them just by treating the physical, you have to address the underlying emotional ’stuff’ as well … otherwise it will keep coming back to haunt you

In Linda’s view, women often find it easier to see something like PMS as being a purely physical problem that they can blame on their hormones.   Then they don’t have to ‘own’ the emotions expressed during that time – the sadness, fear or anger, for example.  Instead, she sees PMS as something that can happen during the time of the month when a woman’s hormones naturally (and for good reason) conspire to make her more withdrawn and introspective.  This puts her more in touch with feelings that are actually bubbling away under the surface the whole time.  When these are difficult, painful feelings, they may rear their ugly heads as what we call PMS.  (Or at least that’s my understanding!)

So that’s why the starflower oil, evening primrose, B vitamins, hormone patches, etc, etc, have never quite done the trick!  Time to go deeper and find my own ’soul-utions’, as Linda calls them …  Or, alternatively, just accept that I’m a raging lunatic who manages to successfully hide the fact – well, sort of – for half of every month!

It's not me, it's my hormones!

WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!

A magazine by mums for mums

Just wanted to let you know about a brand new online magazine – mummomag – that has been created entirely by mums for mums.  Not a man or a big corporate in sight!  Simply an off-the-cuff collaboration between a bunch of real life, everyday mums who are juggling career / business with the demands and delights of raising their children.  And embarking on some amazing adventures at the same time …

This first ever edition of mummomag was produced to celebrate Mothers’ Day 2009 and the launch of an exciting new charity campaign called million mums, which I mentioned in my last post (yes, I know, that was a good few weeks ago – sorry!).  You can find out more about it on page 62 of the magazine.  You can also see a picture of me with Sarah Brown and some ‘celebrity’ mums!

To take a look at the magazine, just go to www.mummomag.co.uk.  I really hope you enjoy it, and I’d love to get your feedback.  You can post your thoughts, questions and suggestions in the discussion forums on the site, or as comments on this post.  Also, please let me know if you’d be interested in contributing an article for another edition.  Who knows, the feedback has been so great that we might make it a regular thing?!  And, of course, if you like it, please help spread the word …

Million Mums

Just wanted to let you know about a brand new campaign that has launched in the UK today.  In fact, if by any chance you were watching Lorraine Kelly on GMTV this morning, you will have seen the Duchess of York and Davina McCall talking about it.  It’s called Million Mums and it’s being driven by the White Ribbon Alliance, in partnership with Mummo.  It’s all about making motherhood safe and helping to reduce the shocking statistics on maternal mortality.  Did you know that a woman dies every single minute of every day due to pregnancy or birth-related complications?  That equates to over half a million women a year, leaving an estimated two million children motherless.  The real scandal – over 80% of these deaths are preventable.  These women are dying needlessly, not for want of a cure, but for lack of basic medical equipment and care.

We want to bring together at least a million people and raise at least a million pounds £ to help change this.  We want to show the world that mums matter.  So please join us … just go to www.millionmums.org, make a donation and add your voice to the campaign.  And, if you’re one of the first 25,000 people to do this, you’ll receive a special Million Mums pin (designed and donated by the Duchess of York) as a thank you.  In addition, please post a comment to tell us why you think mums matter.  Thank you very much.

It’s a grey old day in my world

rain cloud moving over lake

Today is one of those days.  Next to no sleep last night, for some unknown reason, probably to do with all the crap swilling round in my head … so this morning didn’t start well.  Tired, grumpy mum plus two tired, grumpy girls not wanting to go back to school after half-term = a recipe for tears and tantrums, of course!  Resulting, for me, in even redder eyes and even less of a will to live.  And that was all before 9!

Since then, I’ve cried down the ‘phone to my mum (sorry mum!), eaten about 27 extremely high fat all butter sultana cookies from M&S (never again) and done an awful lot of listless wandering around our house, stressing about all the jobs that need doing and then … not doing them!  Of course, I’m actually supposed to be working.  Hey ho.

Is it just me or do you ever have days like this?  It’s grey outside, and inside too.  My eldest daughter, this morning, said “Mummy, my heart’s hurting me”.  I think she actually meant her chest, but of course it broke my heart anyway.  I wanted to tell her that I knew exactly how she felt … but of course I didn’t!

Today, though, I am going to let myself be miserable.  I never normally do this.  I normally reframe a grey day as a ’silver’ day (for all the difference that makes)!  I normally go for a walk or phone a friend or do one of the umpteen constructive things you are supposed to do.  I normally fight misery with all the desperation of a drowing woman trying to save her life.  Not today.  Today I think I might just go with the flow.  Let’s hope tomorrow is a better, brighter day.

PS. Please don’t panic, it’s just my sodding hormones!  Been here before, and no doubt will be back again in a month.  I’ll try not to inflict it on you next time.