Ladies who lunch!

   I so live a life of luxury these days. Do you know where I’ve taken to having my lunch? You’ll never guess. The Morrisons’ cafe, of all places! Okay, so it might not be the most salubrious of surroundings, but I have to say they make probably the freshest supermarket sandwiches I’ve had for a long time … and serve them nicely cut into triangles with a salad garnish and a handful of crisps! All wrapped up in plastic of course, which isn’t so great for the environment, but other than that I’m loving it. A nice cup of tea and a Terry’s chocolate orange cookie, and that’s me set up for the rest of the day!  Just as well, really, as I seem to have zero interest in cooking and go into a blind panic at the prospect of having to feed anybody anything more complicated than a salmon fillet.  In fact, I have well and truly clicked back into work mode, and the years of rustling up three meals a day have (thankfully) faded into oblivion.  I am starting to come to terms with the fact that I am not, and never will be, a domestic goddess!

In all seriousness, I think that’s been part of the struggle I’ve had in coming to terms with motherhood, this enormous gulf between what I thought I should be and what I actually naturally am!   So my vision of being a yummy mummy who’d grow fresh herbs, bake healthy cakes and have a never ending enthusiasm for creative craft activities is at odds with my desire to run a mile from anything even vaguely mundane.  I know children benefit from a consistent routine, but I just can’t seem to do it.  I know life would be less stressful if I was a bit better organised, but chaos is my comfort zone!  I think I’m just destined to be a scrummo mummo … living somewhere between scrum and scrumptious depending on the day.  Mind you, can’t remember the last time I felt truly scrumptious!

Wobbling

Yes, I have to admit that I’m wobbling a bit at the minute. Having spent most of the afternoon in the office, and most of the evening in front of my laptop, I am seriously questioning my mental health! What on earth possessed me to think it was a good idea to start a new business, on this scale at least, whilst my children are still so small?! I came home to find them outside, playing on bikes and trikes in the early evening sunshine, chatting and giggling and looking as if they hadn’t a care in the world. They ran straight over to me … and my littlest gave me a giant hug and said “Mummy, I want you!”. Talk about tugging at the heart strings! And yet, the truth of the matter is that I’m so preoccupied at the moment that I’m not even giving them my full attention when I am with them. I find it really hard to just click out of work mode and into mummy mode … and I sometimes wish I didn’t have to.

And then, of course, there’s the scary fact that we are haemorrhaging money in every direction, with no real prospect of any coming in to Mummo for quite a while. I always knew it was going to be a big, long-term project and that I was going to have to hold my nerve, but some days that’s harder than others. And the hardest days are always the ones, like today, when you have to pay a whole load of bills! So I will have to get round to listening to my Paul McKenna CD. I’ve just finished reading his book ‘I can make you rich‘ which, I have to say, takes a much broader view of what rich means than I was expecting. And it was actually really useful. He talks about “thinking rich” and how, if you do that, you no longer fear being without money because you know you will always find ways to make more. I have my moments of thinking like that (if I didn’t, I definitely wouldn’t be doing this!) but it’s obviously something I still need to work on.

Anyway, enough of the negativity. As the old advertisement used to go, “weebles wobble but they don’t fall down”!